Learning to Love

So I have a confession to make. There are certain occasions in which I have laughed at my mother for something that I have started to do now that I am older... But let me back up a little bit.
Before I left on this six month adventure, in my quiet time I asked God what He wanted me to take away from this whole experience. I knew it would be a huge time of growth, but didn't know exactly what to focus on. Over a few days, I really felt like He was telling me, "During this time I want you to learn about love. First, I want you to understand how much I love you! Then I want you to poor out that love to those around you." It sounded simple enough. How hard could it be to learn about God's love?
But let me tell you, it has been so incredible and I am realizing this lesson is nowhere near finished. It will definitely be something I am learning my entire life. But during these six months, I have learned so much about God's love. I have learned that I am such a complete failed mess and it is only by His grace that I can even get out of bed each day. I have been completely humbled many times and any time my pride tends to sneak back in, God whacks me right back down (in a loving way) so that I am completely dependent on Him. In fact, I've found when I finally look at Him and say, "Ok! I give up! I do not have the strength to do this on my own!" He replies with, "Finally. Now you are out of my way and I can really work in your life!"
But as I have learned to love God, I have also learned to love the people around me. For a long time, I've had this wall up that doesn't let very many people in. It was like I knew if I got to close and eventually had to say good-bye, it would hurt too much. It didn't seem like it was worth the pain.
Amazingly, one little two year old boy was able to break through that barrier and teach me to love. How? By loving me. Every time I walked upstairs, he would jump up and down, giggling and smiling, and come sprinting (well, waddling), towards me. I could do no wrong in his eyes. No matter how tired or grumpy I was, he would love me anyway and always be excited to see me.
Today, I had to say good-bye to the little guy. It was a bittersweet time. It's always exciting to know that the kids are healthy and able to go home, but at the same time, they are missed here. Usually, I am sad for about ten seconds as we watch the van drive away, but then life goes on. Today, as my little friends drove away I actually felt a couple big tears role down my cheeks. This is where it goes back to my mother. She always cries when I leave for camp or school or to travel around the world for six months. I always thought this was funny. I mean, I'm coming back eventually! But today, here I was, crying as I watched my little buddy leave even though I have only known him a month. I know I will think of him often in the coming months and continue to pray for him and his family. But right now, I thank God that I had the opportunity to meet him. And for letting a little child, to teach me to take the walls down and just love.

My Fiance Departs

So remember the child I told you was in love with me. Well, his mother proposed for him (communication is still lacking since he is only two) and I'm supposed to marry him! But sadly he is leaving for Iraq tomorrow so I don't know if this whole relationship thing will work out.
It has been rather humorous this week as this whole fake relationship has played out. In the Kurdish culture, marriage and children are VERY important. The fact that I am twenty and not married is unusual to them and they are a bit worried about me. But they are even more concerned about my coworker who is twenty-eight and still single!
So as far as relationships go, they are always trying to set us up. One of the grandmothers that brought her granddaughter here for heart surgery doesn't like the child's mother. So she asked one of my coworkers to come back and marry the child's father instead! So as you can see, the proposals have not been limited to just me.
However, I have received multiple ones this week. Since the two year old is a bit young for me, the father of our eleven year old patient asked if I would marry his son. Sadly, the eleven year old said he wouldn't have me. Guess that one won't work out either. Instead, they suggested I marry two different guys who work here at Shevet. But for various reasons, I don't think those are God's plan for my life.
So as I say good-bye to my fake fiance tomorrow morning, I will definitely be a bit sad. It's hard to say good-bye to such a nice boy who is so doting and generous. (He is always letting me play with the bubbles or share his slice of cake!) But I trust that when the time comes, God will bring the man He really intends for me to marry into my life.

Wedding Dresses and Lions

Building relationships with the Iraqi kids can happen in the randomest and funniest ways. Surprisingly, a combination of sign language and random Kurdish or Arabic words can communicate a whole host of ideas.
For example, last night we went out for ice cream at McDonald's to celebrate a staff member's birthday. On the way back, we stopped at one of the windows that was displaying one of the gaudiest wedding dresses I have ever seen. I mean, it was truly horrendous. It had one sleeve like thing that looked like a giant lamp shade. It would have puffed higher than my head. But note, this was only on one side. The other side didn't have a strap. Then around the top there were beads and tear drop shaped fake pearls, and ribbons, and lace, and other nonsense. It was.... ridiculous. The dress itself was mermaid shaped so it comes in tighter around the knees. At this tightest point there were giant roses all the way around the dress. Then out from this gaudy garden flowed yards of that weird netting. The whole combination was just dreadful, but the Iraqi moms thought it was fantastic! They kept telling me I should wear it! I just said no, no, no! This started a conversation about if I wanted to get married, and then somehow we skipped straight to having children so I had to remind them I am not married. Then we decided, "Inshallah" (If God wills it) this will all happen someday. But I can tell you that Inshallah I do get married, I will not wear that dress!
Then today we went to Lion's Park so the two boys in the house could have some time outside. The house is actually really empty right now. We have two children in the hospital, one had a doctors appointment today, and then the two boys- Mohammed age 11 and Joman age 2. I love both of them and have an awesome time hanging out with them. Mohammed is the oldest of seven children, so he is a great big brother to Joman. Today at the park, he was always trying to convince Joman to join in, but also careful that the little boy wouldn't get hurt. We splashed around in the fountain and had a great time. Joman is so funny. He is a little behind developmentally because of his heart condition. When he first got here, he never walked. Now he waddles around, cautiously, but with growing confidence. He is also my little child. I'm serious. This kid always chooses me over his mother which is starting to cause some problems. Last night I had to leave so they could put him to bed. Apparently he cried for half an hour! I felt so bad. Thankfully I made up for it today by playing with him in the pond, then blowing bubbles after lunch, and took him up and down the slide countless times at a nearby park. I just hope when he goes home he forgets about me and loves his family!

Forced Floating

So apparently normal people ask for days off of work. Me... well I get told by my boss that I need a day off and she doesn't want to see me around the office for a whole day. I suppose she was right and I took full advantage of my forced break!
Another one of our staff members celebrated her birthday today so she also had the day off of work. We decided to make it the best birthday ever. Our destination of choice? The Dead Sea!
Once again I braved the public transportation system, this time with much more success although still a bit of confusion as to which bus we needed to get on. But we figured it out eventually and made it to the En Gedi Beach on the Dead Sea this morning. It was already a warm day so we decided to jump right in. Maybe that's not the right way of putting it. For those of you who have never had the privilege of experiencing the Dead Sea, let me advise you to put on your bucket list. It is the coolest and weirdest sensation. You start walking in and before you get in up to your knees you feel like you are going to fall over, so you quickly turn around and sit down. And you're off! Floating on the waves without a care in the world. The first time I went, I didn't believe it. You can't possibly just float... but you do. The ridiculous amount of salt in the water forces you to float. It is so cool!
So we paddled around for a bit, trying to avoid getting salt water in our eyes. It stings so bad! Then we laid out on the beach for a bit, enjoying the sunshine. It was at this time that we noticed everyone rubbing dirt all over themselves. Odd, but also normal here. Apparently the mud next to the Dead Sea has tons of minerals in it. You can actually buy bags of it at the stores here, or if you visit just find it on the beaches. We figured we would do as the locals do and also joined in the fun, completely covering our bodies in the dark substance. After letting it dry for a few minutes, we waddled back into the Sea to wash it off. Our skin really did feel smoother so it must have worked.
After enjoying a nice PB&J sandwich on the beach we decided to find a new adventure. We were close to En Gedi so we thought we would hike one of the trails up the waterfalls. However, the directions we got from the local snack shop guy were a bit off. We headed the wrong way down the highway a couple kilometers and found a kibbutz (hotel) where we were given the right directions. We headed back the way we came and finally found the right area.
The hike up the hills was beautiful! The entire area is gorgeous desert mountains, but then randomly there are a cluster of palm trees and these lovely waterfalls spilling down the hillside. We hiked the trail up alongside the stream and swam in the pools along the way. It was so refreshing!
All in all, my coworker has decided it was the best birthday ever. For me, it was a great forced vacation. Who knows, maybe sometime I'll actually think to ask for one of these before my boss kicks me out of the house...

My Worlds Collide

For the next couple days we have a few  volunteers from YWAM helping out in random places around the house. Their home base is Ireland! The irony of it all. Originally the girls are all from Canada, but their training was in Ireland so they came straight from there to Israel. Girls after my own heart. 

Anyway, today, one of them named Erin (who sadly is not the least bit Irish), joined us on our normal hospital visit. I felt a bit awkward throwing her into the chaos that is Gaza days, but she was great and just went with it. It was actually really nice to have another girl along for the day. It gave me someone to talk to since the language barrier hinders a lot of communication with the Gaza moms.

Erin definitely was able to experience the ups and downs and absolute insanity that sometimes comes with our weekly trips to the Gaza border. While there is definite wisdom in making plans, I find that flexibility is also very important, especially in the Middle East. Anything we plan may or may not happen. In the end, I’m just glad we know that God’s timing is perfect. But for those that don’t have that security, a change in the plans can be a very stressful event. For example, today we thought we were checking three kids in for surgery and at the end of the day we did check in three children; they just weren’t the ones we thought we were going to check in. As a result, tears along with flexibility became a theme of the day.
Dema, a beautiful three year old girl, was our first child checked in for surgery today. The poor child was so nervous and cried most of the day. Thankfully her mother was always there to comfort her and wipe away the tears. Then we checked in Fawze, an eight month old little boy, for surgery. He also was very nervous and big crocodile sized tears frequently spilled out of his eyes and down his cheeks.
It was at this point that the changes began. We planned on checking in Mustafa, an adorable one year old boy that has Down syndrome. But unfortunately, he developed a rash on his stomach and the doctors sent him home. His poor mother was very upset and cried at the news. We will have to reschedule his surgery and get the paperwork through to bring him out of Gaza again. Right now we pray his rash goes away quickly so we can bring him back to the hospital for surgery. In his place, the doctors checked in seven month old Nour. This little girl will have heart surgery eventually, but first they want to do some tests to evaluate her nervous system. Her tiny body supports a head that is larger than normal. The doctors hope to discover what is causing this and solve that problem before addressing her heart condition.
After sorting out that confusion upstairs, we headed downstairs to visit the other three children from Gaza that have just finished their surgeries.The first of which was five month old Sami. Originally he was checked in for observation since he was so underweight for his age. However, the doctors felt he was strong enough and went ahead with his surgery earlier this week. Today in the ICU the nurse said he was stable and was very pleased with his condition. 

Also in the ICU were two of our Iraqi kids, Ali and Noor. Sometimes I get a little nervous walking into the ICU. Some of the nurses are very protective of that space and don't like visitors. Thankfully, today I was admitted without a problem. I think they like it that I can speak a little Kurdish to the Iraqi moms. The nurses probably think I'm communicating a lot more than I am, but hey, whatever it takes to get in there! I actually do feel like I've improved quite a bit. Today I was able to reassure Ali's mom that all his vitals on the monitor were good and learned that Noor demanded pudding when she first came out of her post-surgery induced sleep this morning!
We then headed to the children's ward and were able to play with Selma and Amen, both nine month old kids from Gaza. I have to tell you Arabic hospitality is amazing. These women always welcome us even if we have only met them once before. They are quick to offer us a seat even if it means they will stand, and if they bring food they make sure they bring enough for everyone. I am also learning it is important to greet everyone in the room, even if you don't know them. Each woman gets a handshake and a kiss on both cheeks. Men get a handshake if they initiate it but at the very least a respectful nod. Oh the cultural differences! I hope I get them all right!

The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round

But you know, it really doesn't matter is the wheels are going round if it is not the right bus. That's right. My adventures with the public transportation system today were a bit... interesting.
Typically we drive one of our community vehicles to the hospital when a child has surgery. But today there was so much going on and so many people in different places, Jeff (my fellow co-worker who is from Australia!) and I had to take the public transportation system. Now I must confess, coming from the suburbs I have very little experience with the bus system. I'm not opposed to using it; I've just never really had reason or opportunity, so I was a bit excited!
Now before we get into the story you need to understand how the buses work here. There are the normal big city buses that look like big green caterpillars, but then there are also the Arabic "Sharoot" buses which are really just big vans.
We were told to take a Sharoot to to the Central Bus Station and then Bus #84 to the hospital. Mushkilay niya! (No problem) Or so we thought. I had never done this before and Jeff had only done it a couple times so I knew it would be an adventure. We headed to where you normally catch the Sharoots only to be told by multiple people this wasn't right and we needed to go back up the street and catch a bus to the Central Bus Station. We didn't know any better so we did! Caught the bus, no problem, and headed off. In less than twenty minutes we were at the Station. Odd, it should have taken closer to an hour. Well....
We headed inside and wandered around for... awhile. Finally, finding an information desk we were told we could not catch a bus to the hospital from here we needed to take a different one into the city and then catch another bus from there. Ok. We got this.
We find our next bus and get on. Once again, no problem. We can do this. An hour or so later we get to that "Central Bus Station". I'm starting to think it's interesting that there are multiple bus stations that are referred to as the "Central" one.
We get off, wander around for... awhile. Ask a couple different information booths and finally realize we are completely lost. It will probably take at least an hour for us just to figure out how to get to the hospital. Alright. Done with that. We hop in a cab and are there in ten minutes. The journey, which should have only taken an hour or so took over two and a half hours! But once again, Mushkilay niya.
Well, we made to the hospital halfway through little Ali's surgery. He is less than a year old and absolutely adorable. You can read my telling of his story at http://shevet.org/children/ali.
After our time at the hospital, we decided to brave the buses again. This time, we got the right but made it to the right "Central Bus Station" and found the Sharoot without any problem. Sheesh, why couldn't it have been this easy on the way there? Oh well, it was definitely an adventure! But one that I would rather not repeat, if at all possible.

The Art of Discipline

I had an interesting conversation with a coworker the other day about how to discipline children. It's funny how many parenting conversations I've had this past year. I mean, I'm only twenty, not married, and definitely don't have kids of my own! Yet, God seems to think I need to plan ahead for the future. Anyway, disciplining children is a whole new kind of challenge here. But it is so important, it's not like we can overlook it. The Bible definitely emphasizes its importance. My recent study of Proverbs has revealed a thing or two...
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid." ~Proverbs 12:1
"Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right." ~Proverbs 20:11
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." ~Proverbs 22:6
And there are tons of other passages that talk about respecting authority, the proper structure of a family, etc. But this isn't meant to be a Bible lesson, but rather how I've seen good parenting and not so good parenting play out here.
We have some fantastic mothers here. Moms that are quick to praise their children when they do right, love them, and discipline them when necessary. But we also have some mothers that lack the "art of discipline." Why "art"? Well, because I have come to understand the discipline is tricky. It can't be done in anger and it can't be done harshly. But it must be done. It must be done firmly and as often as necessary, but in love. If there is no love than it is as ineffective as if it was not done at all.
Working with heart patients can make discipline tricky. We have had kids here that it is literally life threatening for them to cry. It takes away their oxygen supply and they could die. Therefore, their parents have given them anything and everything they have ever wanted. Imagine that kind of monster. We have another little girl here right now that is eleven. Her father told her mother that she is not allowed to discipline her daughter. Not allowed! I was shocked. As a result, this girl frequently hits her mother on the face, rebels, bites, pinches, throws things on the floor, demands gifts, etc. Why? Because there are no boundaries!
As odd as it seems, I think kids secretly like discipline. I think they like it because it shows that someone cares. Someone is paying attention to what they do. And someone loves them enough to say no, there are boundaries. Because if someone is paying enough attention to say no, then they are probably also saying yes when it is appropriate and I love you frequently.
Well now that our little eleven year old has had her surgery and is stronger, her devious ways are only getting worse. As such, we have had to take on some of the discipline that her mother is not allowed to do. For example, the other day, this little girl slapped my face. Not hard, but in a very disrespectful way. My response? I slapped her back. I know this sounds bad, but I'll explain. I used my hand to gently swat her cheek. It did not come close to hurting her. But it was just enough to let her know I, unlike her mother, would not take it with a smile. She didn't even flinch, but the shocked look on her face let me know I had gotten the message across even though I didn't have the words to express what I needed to say.
My most recent disciplining happened at the hospital this week. This same little girl is desperate for attention. If we praise her, pet her, encourage her when she is doing right, then she will do it. But if we ignore that she resorts to bad behavior so that someone will pay attention to her. It's really sad so I try so hard to encourage the good so she will learn the right way to gain attention. Unfortunately, her mother hasn't figured this out yet. So this week when we were at the hospital we had to wait for a long time. Boring for an adult, let alone a rambunctious kid. So in our time of waiting this little girl started bullying one of our little two year old boys. Why? I guess because we weren't entertaining her. She pretended to kiss him but was actually biting him! The mother ignored this action, but after ten times I had enough. I sat her down and said (translated for your benefit), "Not good." Her response, (in a very sing-songy mocking voice), "Very, Very, Very, Very good!" So we repeated this a few times. Finally, I just went off in English and told her everything I wanted to. She couldn't understand the words so I said exactly what I felt like, but I made sure to keep my tone very serious, but not threatening. Then I switched back to Kurdish and explained she was not allowed to touch the little boy, to kiss him, to bite him. I enforced this rule a couple more times and then she got the message.
When I told my coworker this story, he seemed upset. He challenged me if I was really loving this girl in disciplining her or if I had another heart issue to work through. I'm glad he did. I'm learning it is so important to make sure we discipline with the right motives otherwise it is not Biblical and not pleasing to God. I think the verse in Ephesians 6:4 about Father's not exasperating their children can apply to American college students working with little Iraqi kids too. But I was able to explain to him, as I did to her mother after the whole biting incident, and as I explain to you now. I disciplined her because I love her. It goes back to Proverbs 22:6. I want her to be a good person in the future, but she won't magically become that if she is allowed to be a devil child. I pray that when she and her mother return home, her father will see what a lack of loving discipline has done and change his methods. If not, I fear for her future.